=o) :-D :-) XD >^..^<

To start off, I just looked over, and my kitty, Gigi, is curled up in a messy box of dvds and games. It is pretty adorable if I must say so! :) But anyways!!!

This last week has been pretty great! I've been really happy, can't exactly explain why, well, don't want to explain why, because sometimes I like to just be happy in my own little world, even if no one else understands. lol. But it's good! :) But on saturday my happyness got added to! At last year's anime con, I made a really awesome friend, Josh, and I got to spend the day with him at this year's con!! To explain Josh would take a while, but basically, he is very gay, and well, perverted. But a lot of fun to hang out with! So it was really great to see him :)

Unfortunately tho, I do not remember a whole lot that day... I just kinda didn't go to bed the night before... by the time I went to bed saturday night, I had been awake for 36 hours. So most of it is a giant blur. But a pretty awesome friend kept me company on the phone while I drove home. :)

I am still slaving away at packing everything, but it has become a pretty fun process. My kindred spirit, Sally, comes over and we play the "how nerdy is Jill really?" game! I won the round a couple weeks ago, when almost every single one of my books had a harry potter bookmark.... :D I think this week will be "how many band shirts can one person have?"

There is one downside to all this happyness, I wake up early and can't fall back asleep, and then I am antsy all day long, and can't sit still for the life of me! But I guess those could be considered good things too :)

How I really feel about it all.

As horrible as it may sound, I am actually relieved to be getting a divorce from Cary. It was so stressful to continue to love him with everything that was going on. From excessive spending, lying, being outright rude, laziness, and how he attracts messes. It was so hard to continue, and just say, "Well, it's okay." When it never should have been okay. No matter how much I tried, he didn't think that I was trying hard enough, so he shouldn't have to try at all. I admit, I probably could have been better, and I could have cleaned the kitty litter more often, and tried to be a little happier. But I did the best I could. When the bad began to outweigh the good by 10-1 I knew it wasn't a good marriage anymore.

It was the hardest thing, to say that I wanted a divorce, and it took a couple days for it to sink in, but then it was like this huge weight had been lifted off my chest, and I didn't have to worry anymore. I take care of myself, and he is still everything he was before. But now I don't have to be responsible for him.

And even after all the times that he has made me cry, look stupid, and made me wish he was gay, because it would have made ending the marriage a LOT easier. I'm still a hopeless romantic. I think about eventually finding someone who does treat me right. I don't understand it. Because so many people are bitter after this sort of thing. Yes, I'm bitter with Cary for not caring. But I look forward to the future and being able to have a silly crush on someone.

I know I'm making the right decision, moving back to utah and all. I just wish that it hadn't taken me so long to realize that the decision was inevitable.

Well, I guess that's it for my first blog of the return of Jill!